The Baby Boomer Generation: Boomer Humor (Hey--that rhymes)

Mr. Rosen: Quiet down, please. It's time for opening statements from the two candidates for Chairman of the Dance Committee for the Spring Term. First, the incumbent, Frank Mullen.

Frank Mullen: Fellow students, I know that some of you are concerned that attendance at the 'Dress Like Your Favorite Cartoon Character' sock hops hasn't been growing as fast as we hoped. Well, things are turning around. We have to be patient.

Mr. Rosen: Now, the opposing candidate, committee member Jack Talbot.

Jack Talbot: The Cartoon Dances are a ridiculous idea that is not working. I told Frank we could get The Silvertone Cats to play for free, but he wouldn't listen. He insisted that kids would rather spend Friday afternoons dressed up like Olive Oyl and Wimpy, doing the Watusi to Maria D'Amato's record collection. Frank doesn't realize we're not in Miss Eisenmann's first-grade play group anymore. I think we deserve dances that don't require you to dress up like Yosemite Sam.

Mr. Rosen: The candidates will now answer written questions from the student body. First, for Jack Talbot: "How would you fix the problems with the Cartoon Dances?"

Talbot: This is a case of the wrong dance at the wrong time. We'll be laughed out of high school next year when it gets out that we spent eighth-grade running around the cafeteria in our mothers' fur coats, yelling, "Yabba dabba doo!" and "Wilma!" When I am elected Chairman of the Dance Committee, we'll have real dances, at night, with bands and decorations, not this double-dumbo Romper Room stuff.

Mr. Rosen: Now, a response from Frank Mullen.

Mullen: Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think that relaxing with your classmates after a hard week is 'double-dumbo.' Developing successful dances takes time, and we're succeeding. Kids are coming to the Cartoon Dances dressed like cartoon characters, and they're dancing. To me, that's what a successful Cartoon Dance is--people in cartoon costumes, dancing.

Mr. Rosen: Here's a question for Frank: "Will you try something new, now that Mr. Hanson's Citizenship Education class has released a survey that shows that 97% of the students agreed with the statement, 'I'd rather eat cold boogers dipped in Tabasco sauce than go to a Cartoon Dance'?"

Mullen: I don't make decisions based on polls. We'll keep the Cartoon Dances going until everybody's coming and having fun. But you can't put a timetable on it; that would play right into the hands of those extremists who would rather go home and watch 'Art Linkletter's House Party.'

Mr. Rosen: Your thoughts, Jack Talbot?

Talbot: The Cartoon Dances are a colossal failure. Attendance drops every month. The Parent Chaperones say that the only people who came to the last dance were Frank, Maria Dí'Amato, and three seventh-grade girls dressed up like Huey, Dewey and Louie. Frank stood on a milk crate by the water fountain in a hunter's hat with a toy rifle, hollering, "All wight, evwybody, wet's Twist Awound the Cwock!" while Maria sat in the corner in rabbit ears, playing Chubby Checker's Greatest Hits on the record player. This is not what I voted for.

Mr. Rosen: It's time for closing statements. Jack?

Talbot: When I am Chairman of the Dance Committee, we'll go back to what works. Remember the 'Friday Night Frug Festivals?' Kids from the Catholic school came; even our older brothers and sisters would drop by to check things out on their way to the movies. But look at us now. Last night, my big brother asked me, "So, Alvin, what are you and the rest of the Chipmunks doing this weekend?"

Mr. Rosen: And you, Frank?

Mullen: My opponent says that nobody except me and Maria D'Amato comes to the Cartoon Dances. Well, how would he know? He never shows up! I guess it's easier to hang out in the park with your buddies and laugh about the morons in Mickey Mouse ears doing the Mashed Potatoes in the cafeteria. But remember, Jackie voted for the Cartoon Dances before he voted against them.

'Glenwood Junior High Hopes,' January 7,1962.

Here's what the kids in the cafeteria are saying about the upcoming election:
"I like what Frank says. He speaks from the heart."

"Jackie Talbot sounds like a know-it-all, some braniac who thinks he's so cool or something. I'm voting for Frank; he's like me."

"I agree with Jackie that the Cartoon Dances are stupid, but I have to support Frank; he's the Chairman."

"I went to Sunday School with Frank in second grade. He always knew what was right and stuck with it."

Glenwood High School Daily Announcements, January 12, 1960.
Good morning, this is Frank Mullen speaking. Thank you for trusting me to continue serving as Dance Committee Chairman. In order to make the sock hops an even greater success, we're going to have two Cartoon Dances this Friday; Warner Brothers characters in the cafeteria and Hanna-Barbera characters in the gym.

Thank you, and may God Bless Glenwood Junior High.
That's all, folks.

The Baby Boomer Generation is a source for trends, research, comment and discussion of and by people born from 1946 - 1964.

Boomer Humor (Hey--that rhymes)